Cholo

November 18th 2012

Standing in the pasture watching my horse run and kick up his heels with a new buddy.
An exuberant buck, an unexpected collision and the unmistakable sound of bone crunching.
In one awful moment I knew the horse that I had raised from a foal and poured my life into making the horse of my dreams was going to have to be destroyed. As one friend held Cholo's halter after I had run to him another climbed the fence into my pasture and kneeled over me where I was pounding my fist into the dirt and screaming NO NO NO. As Lisa prayed for God's peace to be at work I was crying "I can't take it". Then God's word penetrated my heart and I remembered... "I will never give you more than you can bear". I stood and went to my horse to hold him in his final moments as I repeated the phrase that was to become my mantra for the weeks to follow, "I can take it."


Yesterday was a "Cholo" day. His name has been on the wall in my tackroom for six years, but yesterday I " saw" it and it set me back. Then at work a client came in and mentioned the wild flowers growing profusely around the office. I told her I had taken some to put on Cholo's grave. She did not know about him so I told her Cholo's story, and cried. Now I just woke up from a dream about him. I thought I had lost him and had accepted it, but the next day he was back! I got to pet him and love on him and it was wonderful. Then I woke up and had to face his loss again... bittersweet